Sucks to your assmar

DH is going to the field next week for a week, so I took the opportunity to redeem some frequent flyer miles and visit family for two weeks.  It is great to see the fam, but this is not a very joyous trip.  

A dear family friend who is basically like my grandmother is terminal with cancer.  I saw her today for the first time since May, and she does not look well.  I can tell she is worse than the last time I was here.  It breaks my heart to see this woman who is so full of life, humor, talent, and everything good be slowly taken from this world by cancer an unstoppable rebel force.  She still does manage to maintain a sense of humor most days, so I guess that's what I should do too.  It's just a very dismal  prognosis, and although I know she is glad I am here, I can't help but feel a bit helpless about the whole situation.  At least I had enough miles between the two of us to come here rather last minute and see her while she is still moving around ok. 

I have been reading The Tao of Fertility.  I alternate between thinking it has some valid advice and slamming the cover closed on my Nook because I can't tolerate the traditional Chinese thinking anymore.  Among the advice that bugs me is not running during menstruation, or really ever.  What irritates me is not just that I think it is bunk, but that I can see the logic behind it so I sort of feel inclined to follow it.  However, I can attest that not running for the last couple weeks has been a total suckfest, and I highly doubt this suckfest is increasing my fertility.   I also usually feel immensely uncomfortable with "affirmations" and frankly, the idea of meditating right now sounds eerily similar to Pandora's Box.

On the flip side, I do resonate with some of the philosophy and I'd really like to try acupuncture - I've had so many friends who say it is so relaxing.  I also know the diet recommendations definitely make me feel better, because I have been strict that way before (no dairy, no alcohol, lots of short grain brown rice).  But getting there is just such a daunting task that I'm not even sure I want to begin.  So I try to think single step, one page at a time, and all that.  Who am I kidding, right now I am not trying to think.  But I know ultimately it is all about balance.

A massage would be nice too....