Tomorrow

Tomorrow my Mom and I are taking our friend to her doctor's appointment.  She is going to try and pin the doctor down on how much time she has left.  He previously was pretty vague with her.  Her biggest fear seems to be that she will die around Christmas, like her mother did, and ruin the holidays for her family.  

After the doctor's appointment we are taking her to go get her second chemo treatment.  She is on a low dose so that it won't be too hard on her system.  The medicine she was taking before has stopped working so this is basically a final measure to give her a little more time.  

Today I went by and brought her some ginger ale and some pudding.  She was feeling nauseous.  But instead of complaining, she said how lucky she was because some women she knew who had battled breast cancer had to do a lot of chemo and felt so sick all the time.  Her positive attitude is commendable, but it still breaks my heart to see her so frail and ill.  It seems every day I see her she looks worse.  She is just wasting away.   But her spirit is still there, and she wants to live.  I am glad that I can be here for a little while and do a few things for her to show her we love her.       

If I was totally zen, I would say that her struggles have helped me put my "problems" in perspective, but I'm not so sure that is the case right now.  Mostly I'm just sad to be losing our dear friend.  She is like a grandmother to me and we love her so much.