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This long post basically says, I went to the ER for spotting and cramps, but am ok.

This morning I woke up around 3 am with lightning crotch. After taking another HPT i felt reassured and went back to bed. But when I got up later, I had more brown spotting. So I googled more personal stories and websites about how this is normal and felt better.

Last night I had called my PCM, and she said she would bring me in for an u/s just to check, but since I was out of town, I should just wait - unless the spotting continued, then I could go to the ER if I wanted. Because of how my insurance works, the ER was my only option to be seen, I could not get a referral to a doctor in town while out of state.

I thought, no, I don't need to go to the ER. This is normal. I'm ok. But I guess it's one thing to read that spotting and cramps are normal, and another thing to experience it yourself.

Then I called the local ER nurse to see what I should do, and she said I should come in to be monitored.

So I think, "Well, I better go" and the next thing I know I'm at the ER, getting an IV and a catheter, and completely unravelling. Luckily my Mom was with me, and I eventually calmed down.

The u/s showed a tiny sac and yolk sac! I measured 5 weeks 4 days. They didn't check my progesterone because they said they don't do that. My HCG was about 14,400, which was great!

They diagnosed me with a threatened miscarriage and sent me home to rest. No running, no sex, no picking up heavy stuff, and not to do a bunch of traveling. I'm supposed to follow up w my OB in 3-5 days, but can't do that since I won't be back until after the new year.

Then we went to Chick-Fil-a, and then to visit D. I'm so glad her son is here now, she seems happier.

So after all that, I'm just tired and worn out.

Sorry to whine so much. I partially blame the hormones, watching our friend fade away, and sleep deprivation, but I know I just need to get a grip.

The nurse was really nice and said to be positive. And there is so much to be positive about! I had a little more pink spotting tonight, but nothing red so I just hope everything keeps progressing! Grow little bambino!

Bene Gesserit training?

In Frank Herbert's novel Dune, the Bene Gesserits are an order of highly trained super space witches with all sorts of kick-arse telepathic powers (including choosing when they conceive and the sex of the baby). One of their mantras "Fear is the mind-killer," basically means when you're afraid you can't think straight. It comes up often in the book, and I am thinking of it now half-jokingly.

Sci-fi aside, when sleep-deprived, I am more likely to be overly emotional (yes, this worries me as far as babies are concerned). After staying at D's last night and getting up before 5 to help out, I am alternating between mess and zombie.

Therefore, I am not well-equipped to deal with the small amount of spotting I had today. It was so small I should forget about it, but it is unpleasantly familiar, and combined with cramps, bothersome. But I know it's not worth getting worked up over.

I called my Dr, she said if it has stopped then to just take it easy and wait and see. Since I'm out of town, my other option is the ER if it comes back, or if I'd just like to go to be monitored. I don't think it will come to that...

Maybe I can just think about this tomorrow, à la Scarlet. Or ideally not at all, à la...Drew Barrymore in 50 First Dates.

The waiting is the best part, said no one ever.

I am posting this from my phone, I hope it works!

Today I told my family and they were very excited! Tomorrow I tell D. If I were to m/c, I have decided we are not telling her because she won't be around long enough to know. She told my Mom she could die in peace if she knew I was pregnant, and I am prepared to fake it a bit if it comes to that (which it won't x 1000).

After hours flying with maybe too much brooding time, I'm not feeling so positive right now. I got serious 2nd thoughts before telling my family again. What if they have to be disappointed all over again, etc. I hope my "feelings" are meaningless? I'm probably just bummin because I miss DH. I hope my negative vibes are powerless. I believe in you, little poppyseed! I am going to test again tomorrow. Hopefully I'll see some darker lines, and my excellent test results will be in!

On the bright side, the trip went smoothly and it's great to see the fam. Feeling more in the Xmas Spirit. And more of the lovely TTGP ladies are KU! This is wonderful wonderful news! :)